The Itch

Most habits like porn start with an “itch”, and it’s a deep kind of yearning. Like a pain that needs to be taken away. The mind already has the cure: rub one out.

Sit with the “itch” when it arises. And simply watch it. See how it pulls the mind to a conclusion. But maybe the conclusion was already known, and the itch was the by-product of its very own knowing? Hmmm… You can do this with any kind of negative self-destructive habit. You can do this with any kind of negative self-destructive habit.

If you decide to watch, then watch. And watch how the mind reacts to which stimuli. There may be a spark to this element or that element. Note it. Notice it. Don’t inquire why, just notice it. Notice how the body changes posture, where the eyes go (what are they look for?) notice everything you can. What is the mind seeking here?

If you do end up succumbing and doing the deed. Sit with it. Literally, sit there in your seat and look at the miserly and disgusting state you’ve left yourself in. Notice something interesting too: the drain on your mental resources. During the act energy is high, and now that you’ve got your hit, you’re left drained. Notice that. That whole “post-nut clarity thing” is a joking reminder that, for 99.99% of men, this has been a net-negative on their life, and they’re forgetting to learn the real lesson. This time will be different for you though — look at the pain caused and really embrace it, and know its origin. The mind has a way of “sweeping” pain “under the rug” to forget painful lessons from seemingly pleasurable events; you’re going to un-sweep it and look at all the stuff you’ve left under that rug. There’s a lot, it may hurt to look, but really embrace it with all the vigour with which you want to end this habit.

You can also go for a tantric perspective, which is to look at the energies in the “itch” and use it for something. But that’s a very personal approach. That energy may be for a run, for a creative purpose, for compassion, for more meditation. Or it may be from loneliness, pain, and yearning, and a real need to grieve lost parts which your mind feels as if it deserves (which it does! you deserve it all! but this habit isn’t it). You could also use this tantric perspective in the event of succumbing too, similar to before, this requires seeing the energies for what they are.

Also, a bit of shock therapy does help too. Contemplate the unethical nature of porn. Contemplate the disgusting nature of the body, smells, decay, ageing, fading, disease, entropy, etc… Your body too! Their body! You can look up the website “yourmindonporn”.

I’d also recommend journaling. Journal ALL your thoughts to do with porn. Create a mind-map. Illustrate it. Pour out your emotions. Every single thread explored to its depths. “Why do I feel X when Y?” “Why do I do this, to begin with?” “What emotions am I ignoring during it?” “How do I feel before compared to after?” “What do I hope to gain from quitting, and what has my mind convinced itself I gain if I continue?” All worthwhile avenues to explore.

PS: sexual desire isn’t the name of the game here. Porn, at least how I understand it from both psychological and spiritual perspectives, runs deeper. In my humble opinion, it’s like comparing people who enjoy playing poker (skilful, companionship, respectful elements, etc.) to those that literally go to casinos and feed their money into slot machines.

Best of luck to you, my friend.