Let's Talk About Hate

Hate is a biggie in whatever spiritual community you work in. We live in modern times where we can see the ugly side of hate for what it is; a wanton impersonal machine of oppression. And, in particular, new-age spiritual types tend to think hate must be rejected, abandoned, or worse — ignored. On the lighter side, we do see a tacit rejection of hate as sensitivity to any kind of conflict. A “let everyone say their piece” mentality. This sort of hippie-trippy mindset leads to people, in my experience, having a mind made of jelly. People become too soft. Not everything is worthy of discussion. Some things simply don’t need a response or demand a resolution. This isn’t really a criticism of any particular community but something I see in general.

However, hate serves a very important function in our psyche. If we can learn what it is, what it is for, and muster the courage to confront those nasty parts in our minds, we can really unearth a deep reservoir of personal strength and nobility.

If ordinary hate is wanton, cruel, and capricious, then noble hate is discerning, judicious, and critical. In other words, when we learn to hate without the emotional baggage of ordinary mind and engage our wisdom, we naturally learn what is good and what is bad and can reject the latter in favour of the former. In the parlance of kamma, we easily reject that which leads to suffering and we embrace that which leads to liberation. Wisdom.

In our practise, we can start learning to employ hate as our friend and start transmuting it into its noble judicious form.

1. Start with the Noble Truths. Here’s suffering; I can end the suffering by practising well.
2. We know the lessons of no-self and impermanence. Hate doesn’t have to be this way or that way. It can change. I (whatever that is) have the resources to change it. We know the lessons of dukkha. When we suppose hate has to be this ordinary way, this rigidity will make us unhappy.
3. Courageously play with hate. Bring to mind a person who causes you discomfort. An enemy, a nemesis, or whatever. Play with the thoughts in your mind. The hate you feel is not at the person, the hate is a thought reacting to another thought. You can see this logically, and with enough attention and concentration, you can see this domino effect of thoughts.
4. Focus on the feeling of the ordinary hatred itself. What does hate tell you? This thought is not worth the time spent on it. The discomfort from ordinary hatred is this tension: you are focusing your mind on something which is upsetting while knowing that the focus is wasted.
5. This tension teaches you judiciousness, it’s not that you hate the person (you don’t really know them, it’s just a mental impression of who they are). It’s that you’re wasting your time on the thought. Ordinary hate makes you feel uncomfortable. Judiciousness says, “turn away from this, it does not serve you (i.e., produce positive kamma)”. Once we have judiciousness as an ingrained mental habit, ordinary hate doesn’t even enter our minds; we simply leave the thought where it is and do not proliferate from there. But, as with any skill, we have to repeat repeat repeat, and teach ourselves the steps involved.
6. Repeat this general step with anything that causes hate, maliciousness, or ill-will. Proceed step-by-step seeing how ordinary hate leads to this noble hatred.

If this is too difficult or doesn’t seem practical. A much more down-to-earth way to learn these lessons is to play with the distractions of the mind when concentrating on the breath. Really let the anger and hatred rise up to meet the mind at the time you realise you’re losing or have lost concentration. This judiciousness says, “no, this path leads to disaster, it is unhappy and not conducive to liberating kamma.” See how this relates to the softness I alluded to earlier? We don’t entertain foolish notions and stop them dead in their tracks. Once we can do that for ourselves, imagine how easy it is to say “no” to that annoying coworker that loves dumping their unfinished work on our desk! Or that annoying in-law. Etc… It’s about knowing and enforcing our boundaries.

Before you comment:

• “Noble hate!? That sounds dumb.” Okay. Find your own terminology. I don’t really care about the words themselves (in fact I deliberately used this provocative formulation to make things cleaner). I just want you to be happy and learn not to argue about words or concepts.
• “We should abandon hate!” Well, we are learning to do this via practice. Going from the mundane to the supramundane. But there’s no ordinary language for the supramundane and ordinary language is all we’ve got. Feel free to find your own terminology when you discover this for yourself.
• “Good and bad are relative because of 3Cs (or some other mystical notion)” if you honestly believe that, then why are you saying this and thus implying that there’s a correct/good way of seeing good/bad? Begone!

This isn’t a definitive guide. As with all teachings, this is a mere jumping-off point to get the brain juices flowing. A catalyst for your own mind to play with and learn on its own.

Does anyone else want to share their experiences with hate and how they dealt with it? Or any specific challenges they are having now and need some pointers/encouragement? Feel free to share.