Fear of Stream Entry

From what I’ve read here, I’d say you’re definitely thinking in the right direction, but without nuance. But you’re very close. But that’s just thinking. To really get to see the story being played out, you’ll need to put in the work and meditate. There’s no secret sauce.

At the end of the day, gaining liberation is mostly about disidentifying with any one sensation. You realise the mind is playing a complex game of “prove to me that I exist”, where the mind proposes problem after problem, endlessly seeking solution after solution. This then causes layers of abstraction, fabrication, identification, defence mechanisms, greed, anger, ignorance, etc.. And so the mind goes on hoarding experiences, sensations, thoughts, memories, etc. with the hope of proving itself to be “real” and unchanging. It clings to the sensations because the game seems so important. The game just goes on and on; problem, solution, problem, and solution, with no end. But there never was a solution, and there never was a problem. It was just a game… It was always just a game that the mind decided to play. It was all just a sensation in awareness. It was all just awareness in a sensation.

As a counterpoint, I’d suggest looking at it this way:

• There’s no “working through”, there’s only “working with” or “working alongside” sensations.
• There’s no mastery because there’s no starting, no stopping, no sensation is ever “it”.
• Similarly, there’s no “trying” and no “effort”. They’re just sensations.

As for your identification with fear. Sit with the feeling and watch it move. The mind holds onto the game it plays because it feels safe. It’s really comforting. The fear it holds onto is no different. You don’t need to confront the sensations. Just be with them. Sit with them for as long as it takes for the mind to fully understand them. Don’t push, pull, bend, or try to break anything. Everything is unfolding and working naturally. Just be with it. However, if you have a psychological issue, this complicates the discussion, and I’d ask you to not take my advice without first seeking professional help. Meditation should always be done from a position of mental health. Meditation is like running, yes, it’s a healthy activity, but you wouldn’t get someone to run who has a torn muscle; it must heal first before doing the good thing. Everything has a place and context is vital. Health leads to health.

My day-to-day experience: It’s nice just watching life happen to this body/mind and not getting caught up in anything. I still feel emotions, I still think thoughts, etc. but nothing really gets “stuck” or makes the mind cling to it. All the sensations are just in their own place, awareness too; and they both realise one other. Sensations, when concentrated on, can self-liberate the mind. Everything is peaceful and chaotic at the same time in this field of open awareness.

Politically, I think we can help each other more, learn to really understand each other’s perspectives better, which will lead to better decisions. There’s nothing much more to it. Ideologies are more layers of abstraction and identification that hinder us from seeing ourselves and others as genuine humans with universally similar goals, hopes, and aspirations. You know when Jesus was being crucified and said: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”? That really is the first answer to hate, greed, anger, violence, etc… The second answer is obviously putting that into action, which is education. The more perspectives we can learn, the better we’ll become as a species.

Relationships: I enjoy most people, everyone has a unique place. Nothing much else to add. People are not the problem, for the most part, we’re great and trying our best in most cases. We get sucked into ideas that make us do evil, either by our own design or others’.

Phenomenologically, the actual experience of SE was very underwhelming but beyond description. It’s well worth it, even if it takes you a lifetime to achieve. Abiding in the peaceful chaos of life is very grounding, humbling, and loving. The later paths just deepen the initial insight. I heard Kenneth Folk describe stream-entry as getting a bucket that then gets used to hold or contain the insights from later paths. I can vibe with that idea. One way I personally like thinking about it is like a computer and a new operating system; the mind installs the root program at stream-entry, and then later paths are like DLC, expansions, or upgrades with new UI and patches for faster access, better programs, etc.

I hope I helped, cleared up some things, and inspired others.

All the best on your journey, my friend. Be well :)