Anxiety, Depression, and the Path

I’ll answer everything from my direct experience because that’s all I have.

What does the discovery of awareness changed for those of you who had depression and / or anxiety ?

I had horrible anxiety growing up. Going to the shops put me on edge. Not so much that I wouldn’t go, but it was uncomfortable. I could feign a smile and do the whole social interaction thing, but it left me deeply drained because my mind was constantly batting away the feeling of being judged, perceived, and ultimately if I really “fit in”. There was also this weird sharp electric energy in my sides that’d happen whenever I was anxious, like a startle response. Like my adrenal glands would “pop off”.

Meditation has changed that. It’s all gone. Seriously.

Are symptoms still there but not problematic since they are truly seen as not mine ? Since the sufferer is understood to be non existent?

You’re not detaching from problems. You are eliminating the fundamental ignorance that caused the problems to begin with. You first detach from the problem to objectively understand it. Once it’s understood as an object and not a subject (i.e., “not self”), the mind will eliminate it with some gentle nudging. Think of it like digestion at this point. One part of the problem is that the mind considers the anxiety to me, “mine, I, me”. But once it relinquishes that, the deeper problem is actually addressed (which is instinctual in nature). Our animal instincts collide with our human intellect to create these funny mental games which cause anxiety, depression, overeating, addiction, etc… It’s all misalignment. Once things are realigned, the animal instincts and human rationality pull in the same direction, and they can be summoned to work when needed, and dropped when no longer needed. Mental mastery.

Are you still on medications ?

I never took medications. But my coping mechanisms, booze, gaming, and status signalling, are gone. No need for them any more — although I could do them if I felt like they could be pleasurable.

Does Stream entry and subsequent paths change “physical energy levels” ?

Yes. Much less sleep is required to operate. More RAM is freed up to process the stuff that matters (i.e., my values, purpose, and goals in life) because all the junk is dropped. Think of it like you’re a hot air balloon and you’re cutting sandbags hanging off the edge. The balloon will naturally rise the more is let go. That’s what human nature is, rising, expansive, purposeful, etc., and it is held back by these sandbags we attach and fixate on to keep us docile.

Does it modify symptoms such as anhedonia and lack of pleasure, motivation, and love for people around you ?

Yes.

The trick with motivation is seeing that it’s neither the feelings of wanting to do something, neither the conscious will to do something, nor the mental speak of wanting to do something, nor the imagery, etc… It’s the summation of all these things. But there’s usually an entry point. You can motivate yourself to do anything. It requires knowing the entry point. Once ignorance is dispelled on how motivation arises and ceases (i.e., you know the conditions) it’s a plaything. Practice motivating yourself to do something that you don’t like. Practice de-motivating yourself to stop something that you do like. The recipe is revealed in trying to cook from scratch!

Here’s some free advice:

• No-self realisation is a fun little detour from the real good stuff of meditation. Sure, you can have these really cool fun and interesting insights, but they don’t mean shit unless you’re breaking suffering. This is why the Buddha always talked about meditation as a skill, a craft, with an end goal. No-self is really another tool in your toolbelt for ending suffering.
• If you’re concerned with ending suffering, then do it. Learn about the chain of co-dependent arising and learn to break it. u/adivader has great resources for this on their profile, check it out.
• The trick is to just enjoy every moment. If you can enjoy every moment, then all the non-enjoyment of every moment gets squeezed out. Think of yourself as a diamond. If you polish each edge of the diamond, eventually there’ll be no scuff on any edge. Similar with the mind. Polish and polish. The annoying (but, it’s actually fun!) part is that the diamond is always being scuffed up due to being used. The mind ain’t for show. It’s for getting stuff done.
• Ditch the books and theory and only focus on actual concrete practice advice.
• Be a silly goose when things feel too tense. Be a serious goose when things feel too loose.
• Smile with every in and out breath.
• You gotta ball outta control for a while, sometimes.